Just a bit…stressed!

If you happened to glance at the tags on this post, they wouldn’t all make sense.  I think most of them are positive words that contradict the “stressed” portion of the post title.

Many good things are happening and it’s leaving me stressed.  To the point of weird dreams!

My husband and I celebrated 15 wonderful years of marriage (we’ve only just begun!) yesterday and we are marking the occasion with a vow renewal at our home in just a few days.  We host a big party or two each year, and this counts as one of them, so we are quite exited!

For whatever reason, though, my subconscious is driving me batty!  I woke up this morning from a dream that only a few invitees showed up – but, as I was trying to figure out why most didn’t show up, I realized in my dream, our event was taking place the wrong day.  Why was everything prepared on the wrong day?  Why were certain key people there when they know it was the wrong day?

I blame my insecurities.  They haunt me every minute of every day.  There are so many times in my life I’ve been energized by the notion of doing something fun – just to have no one show up.  It’s hard not to take that personally.

While I know for sure there will be many people there with us on our special day, my subconscious will continue to assault me with it’s special brand of torture.

I wish I could destroy it.

Image Credit: QuickMeme.com

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Part 3 of 23 Signs You’re Secretly an Introvert

What a weekend!  Trying to get back into the old routine of things and it’s rough.  I’m tired, have a mountain of laundry (despite the fact it was all done on Friday), and I’m trying to motivate myself to blog a little.  It’s already been a busy Monday with work and on-going private stuff.

Whew.  Let’s get to:

3. You often feel alone in a crowd.

This has a caveat or two with me.  There are some crowds that I’m perfectly content with and the big one is music concerts.  I’m a huge RUSH fan, and perhaps someday I’ll have posts devoted to nothing but that terrific Canadian trio, but despite the fact that crowd is a sea of strangers, I feel so at home and have the BEST time.  RUSH fans are quite unique and it’s such an inclusive atmosphere, you can’t help but fall deep into conversation with the person next to you.

The other is church.  We have a large congregation for this area and there are still people I don’t know on any given Sunday.  I feel safe enough to not feel alone.

I have a very hard time eating out alone or taking a time-out while running errands if I have to do so in a public place.  If I do have to eat out, I do my best to prepare with a book or something to keep me active so I’m not feeling so conspicuous (when in reality most people probably don’t even notice me).  I’m very end-goal oriented when it comes to a task that, unless it’s absolutely necessary, I just won’t allow myself to stop until the task is complete and I have to go home.

There are also times, in crowds with friends, where I feel a little lost and alone.  Most often it’s when I don’t have a lot of knowledge about the activity/interest.  I embarrass easily and I hate to come off looking like an idiot.  If I’m able, I’ll find out as much as possible before hand.

Winter, coupled with Seasonal Affective Disorder, there are times I feel pretty lost and alone when friends are out of town.  I know they’re still my friend and they’re just gone temporarily, but I feel some sort of connection has been severed until they get back.  It’s weird, but it’s an awful, lonely feeling.  I did find out my Vitamin D level was insufficient, bordering on deficient and it really helped – so if you find you’re feeling on the verge of depressed certain times in the year, have your doctor get to the bottom of it!  It made a huge difference for me.

On the quirky side, I’m not often one to follow a trend, so I’m kind of intentional about isolating myself.  Reality TV?  Nope.  The latest blockbuster movie?  Meh.  Anything fashion?  Funny!  The latest one-hit wonder on the radio?  Puh-leeze.  Even the TV shows I love that happen to be popular, I don’t even start watching until 4 or 5 seasons in.  I try to start a series from the original pilot airing, but usually it’s canceled mid-season or by the end of the first season.  I guess the truly good stuff continues because I haven’t jinxed it yet.  Ha!

Am I starting to sound like a complete freak of nature?  I hope not.  I have a feeling the folks that are checking up on me daily are doing a lot of nodding in agreement.

You’re not alone!  Would love for some of you to comment and tell me a little about how you deal with these situations I’m talking about. 🙂

Image Credit:  Flickr.com

Part 2 of 23 Signs You’re Secretly an Introvert

Yesterday I began the fun adventure through the article 23 Signs You’re Secretly an Introvert.  Aaaaand onward we go!

2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.

I think the image says it all.  Ha!  I love to have fun and party and drink and be a little nuts, BUT if there’s mostly people I don’t know well enough to completely let my hair down – FOR. GET. IT.

I clam up, I shut down, and everyone who DOES know me well is all “What’s wrong?”  The hubby is a people person, and usually he ventures off and there I am – alone with myself fake smiling all night, when I’d rather just be clinging to his arm all night.  Sure, there are some rare instances where I’m just feeling down and I’m not at my peak party ‘tude, but more often than not, I’m just uncomfortable.

My dream parties are those in my own home where I have control of the guest list.  There are no unknown variables or 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon that I’m forced to entertain.  The people I love the most and trust the most are in attendance and I have the best time with every single one of them.

I am kind and polite and do my best when the situation is out of my control, but, yes, sometimes I am thinking of all the internet time I’m missing out on – go figure, strangers in my computer I’m OK with.  😛

It’s my biology, sorry!

Image Credit:  Buzzfeed.com