Part 8 of 23 Signs You’re Secretly an Introvert

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.

Nope.  Nada.  NOT going to happen.  For. Get. It.

This is where I divert from introvert to super shy.  I am not good with public speaking or anything where I’m singled out and in the spotlight.

When I applied for the newly vacated position of Director of Christian Education, I made it perfectly crystal clear that in no way would I be expected to be the “face” of the department – I would hire someone to do that.  I’m a behind the scenes kind of girl, and I’m most content that way.

I easily embarrass – flubbing a word makes my heart pound and my face turn red.  All eyes are on me – I’m not physically gasping for breath, but no matter how slowly and clearly I speak, I feel like I can’t breathe.  Before I’m singled out, I’m all nervous and shaky.  Afterwards, it takes me at least 30 minutes to come down from the anxiety ride.

I’m sure a lot of it is psychological remnant from all the times I was teased during a presentation in class, I’d be laughed at quietly.  Just enough to make me feel very uneasy and self-conscious.  That stuff never leaves you.  I’m almost 40 and those “memories” are still as vivid as they were when I was in my teens.  Even thinking about it makes me anxious.

I know, in my heart, all the people in the pews on Sunday morning love and respect me and couldn’t care less if I tripped over my tongue during a reading.  I wish it didn’t matter to me, but it does.  It’s who I am.

I have been toiling over joining our church choir for well over a year.  I just feel so intimidated by the talent up there.  I know my lack of sight reading music doesn’t matter to those up there (I’ve come to learn there are many who don’t read music).  I can sing what I hear and I do love to sing (when no one else is listening, of course).  I guess it’s just a matter of getting enough courage to actually do it.  That is one thing I always did like and was never nervous about – because I was in a group of blended voices.  I do like to just blend in.

I do apologize if there are those of you who DO excel under the conditions of performing or speaking that cannot relate to what I go through in those situations.  I wonder how many introverts out there do suffer from a degree of shyness.  I’d love to hear from you!

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It’s May. Woo.

Try not to energize yourself TOO much on my enthusiasm that May brings every year.

I’m not sure how many of my readers can relate, sympathize, or empathize, but MAY SUCKS!

My two kids – teen and tween – have all but shut down for the remainder of the school year.  Their last day is June 5th, so it’s going to be a very long month.  The excitement of getting ready for school, making breakfast, and being ready to go out the door long before we have to leave is a distant memory.  It’s morphed into a bunch of yelling “GET UP AND IN THE SHOWER ALREADY!” and “YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MADE YOUR LUNCH YET!” and “FEED YOUR GUINEA PIGS!  FEED THE CATS!”  Cue the whining.

May is nothing but a month of Mondays, where snow make-up days gobble up any remaining days off, and where weekends go to die.

I’ve learned, since becoming the parent of school-aged children, that May also seems to be the month where all things happen, and to hell with your own life because it’s all about the school.

An over-scheduled month of Mondays?  I want to rip my hair out every year.

School concerts, school t-shirts to buy, field trips, fun days, academic competitions…enough!  Not to mention all the things that happen at the church that I’m involved in.  For me, May is more exhausting than the holidays.

But, we do anything and everything for our kids.  As tiring and frustrating May always is and will be until they graduate, I attend, and pay, and cheer with a smile and with pride.  We all made it through yet another school year.

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